10 Love Lessons Learned by a Man

Photo by Scott Broome on Unsplash

We all go through phases in our lives. These phases aren’t who we are, but rather the building blocks we need to discover who we are.

Then there comes this point where the stars align and lightning strikes. Suddenly, we know who we are. It’s not that we know our true selves wholly but we do assemble the essence that is our true character one phase at a time.

Confused Kid

My first “real” girlfriend was Marsha. She was far more experienced than I and eventually she called it off because that inexperience was painfully obvious. I then dated several other girls throughout my junior high and high school experience, learning quickly that I was a romantic at heart.

Becoming a Confused Adult

As my adult years rolled on I dated a lot. Being in the nightlife scene I had my pick of beautiful women. Most of the relationships were surface level but I did have some long-term relationships that ended in a variety of ways.

The Blame Game

For those relationships that ended poorly, I’ve been harsh in my criticism over the years about the cheaters and liars. Ultimately though, I didn’t look inward because that is a life skill I hadn’t picked up until recently.

My Fault

If you were to talk to my exes, I feel confident that they would say my intentions were good but my execution was poor. They would also likely say that I created a level of passion that could not be maintained. They would be right.

Hurricane Dani

I once dated this gorgeous model type with a wicked sense of humour named Dani. Her smile could light up a room and her legs would make any man swoon.

Reflection

Reflecting on how stupid I was is what made me really examine how I’ve been towards my girlfriends, my exes, and the general topic of love.

Lessons Learned

I probably won’t get to prove to Dani that I am a better man. I will also probably not get the chance to speak to many of my exes and apologize for my role in the disaster that was our relationships.

  1. Respect, loyalty, passion, understanding and other relationship principles are a two-way street. I can’t expect any of these from a woman if I don’t give them back.
  2. I won’t dwell on hindsight, but instead focus on foresight. If there was a problem I won’t reflect, but simply correct.
  3. Power phrases like, “I’m sorry”, “I understand”, “I agree” will end the debate or argument. Continuing results in no positives.
  4. If someone brings a concern to the table, I will never minimize it but I won’t be a push over either. Without rational discourse and problem solving no type of relationship can survive. Open communication is required.
  5. Therapists have their jobs for a reason, and one very important reason is that relationships are hard work. We get too close to each other and sometimes that destroys even the most rational debate. Talking to someone about your problems—but more importantly LISTENING to the unbiased 3rd party is not weakness, but rather intelligent.
  6. Recognizing comfort and passion will save myself and the woman I am with years or heartache. I can’t be afraid to say, “This isn’t for me.”
  7. Equality in a relationship is as easy as holding a door for someone. If that can’t be achieved then the relationship will not succeed.
  8. Work will never stand in the way of happiness again, but I also need to find a woman that respects my goals and is on my team as much as I am on hers.
  9. Only fools rush in. No more grand romantic gestures and turning all of life’s moments into events. It’s okay to be calm and present together.

I find therapy in words. 3 types of articles I write: Life Lessons, What If (fiction meets reality) and Nonsense Listicles.

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store