If I Were Prime Minister: A (Mostly) No-Nonsense Plan for Canada’s Economic Uncertainty

Photo by Nathaniel Bowman on Unsplash

My fellow Canadians, let’s talk about the moose in the room — trade deficits, tariffs, and cross-border tensions. I get it: you’re sick of the noise. But I’m determined to clear away the fluff and give you a plan that keeps Canada front and centre. This isn’t about pushing others aside; it’s about doing right by our own while respecting our neighbours. My guiding principle is straightforward: create no victims with intention. But if someone insists on chirping us, well, let’s just say they’ll find out how hard the boards are.

Picture, if you will, that by some cosmic fluke I become Prime Minister tomorrow. Here’s how I’d tackle five hot-button issues everyone seems to be talking about. And while I might mention certain politicians to illustrate a point, I’m steering clear of the usual blasting of Trump or F Trudeau rhetoric. I like to focus on ideas.

No personality cults.

No name-calling.

Just a frank chat about:

1. Tariffs
2. Trade deficits
3. Fentanyl
4. Migrants
5. Military spending

Like it or not, these topics are on the table and they’re valid concerns — even if they’ve been presented in some pretty questionable ways. When our biggest partner and neighbour pipes up, we don’t just dismiss them; we look for common ground.

But let’s be real: they’re the ones who showed up to an autopsy with a chainsaw. We can’t pretend there isn’t blood on the walls. Our leadership, or lack thereof, got us here, and theirs did the same.

The past is the past. We must honour existing agreements while rolling up our sleeves for the future.

1. Let’s Talk Tariffs — and Why We Shouldn’t Retaliate

The threat — or reality — of 25% tariffs on Canadian goods and services heading into the US is no joke.

Let’s be brutally honest: tariffs are a form of tax that ultimately lands on the country imposing them, with immediate and painful ripple effects for, in this scenario, Americans. A US business relying on Canadian steel would see its costs spike by 25%. It can’t just eat that expense; it’ll pass it on to customers or shut down. So if our neighbours think tariffs will somehow make them richer, well, they’re in for a rude awakening. But that’s their call.

Pricing on our side of the border is our call. The US can’t regulate Canadian pricing — no matter what that oh-so-convincing TikTok tried to tell you — so they’re only controlling what US consumers and businesses do. That’s why you keep hearing the line “tariffs are a tax on Americans.”

So, does that mean Canadians should just grab a poutine and beer, relax, and not worry?

Not so fast.

Tariffs do concern us. Yes, American consumers get hit first, but our businesses won’t be far behind. Reduced exports, messed-up supply chains — this could be more than a minor bruise. But retaliating tit-for-tat can spiral into a trade war, and no one wins those.

Instead, let’s break the cycle. Diversify our trade partners, improve our ports and rail systems, remove interprovincial barriers (which cost us a whopping 8–15%), and focus on self-reliance. We’ve taken small steps here and there, but we need leaps and bounds. Will it be tough? Absolutely. We would probably see a mid-level recession before we emerge stronger. But the rest of the world wants to do business with us, and Canada isn’t bound to the US alone. This is not a zero-sum game.

Even if tariffs are slapped on us, our best move is to diversify, fix the issues at home, and keep our economy on stable ground — even if that means bracing for some turbulence in the short term.

2. Deficits: The Phantom Menace

We’ve been inundated with talk of “trade deficits,” but here’s the simple truth: Canada does not actually have a trade deficit with the US. If you want all the details, check out my earlier write-up: https://jaysdigitalpen.medium.com/canada-does-not-have-a-trade-deficit-with-the-us-a7fd3e5ed162.

The US, Canada, and Mexico signed the USMCA, with the first review set for 2026. Now the US is talking about how they subsidized Canadian economy. That’s a textbook case of bad faith. When someone reneges on a deal, you show them the door. Canada is well within its rights to hold its ground.

Imagine Walmart approaching Dude Wipes with a conversation that mirrors the whole “trade deficit” spiel:

WALMART: “We buy $10 million a year of your product, but we see you only spend about $1 million a year at our stores. We want you to spend $10 million.”

DUDE WIPES: “Um, that’s not possible.”

WALMART: “Alright, we’ll raise your prices by 25% to make up the difference. Cool?”

DUDE WIPES: “Nope, not cool. We’re out. This is bad faith.”

Make sense to anyone? Didn’t think so.

Plus, Canadians hold about a trillion dollars in assets in the US — way more than Americans hold here. If Canadians ever decided to pull that money, the fallout would also be a little more than just a bruise.

Yes, it’d hurt us too, but if there’s one thing we Canadians excel at, it’s finding the grit to do what’s right for the red and white when push comes to shove. The government can’t (and shouldn’t) force Canadians to move their money, but let’s face it: many might shift their investments home if pressed.

And if that ever happened, the NYSE would have a meltdown of epic proportions.

3. The Fentanyl Pipeline

Fentanyl is creeping across borders from China and Mexico, sometimes through Canada, sometimes straight into the US. Bottom line: people are dying on both sides. We can bicker about blame or we can fix it. Let’s do the latter — together.

• Joint Task Forces: Combine law enforcement, health agencies, and legal experts from both countries to catch fentanyl before it hits the streets.
• Better Scanning & Inspection: More dogs, scanners, and container inspections cost money, but letting a deadly crisis rampage is pricier — both in dollars and in human lives.
• Practical Legal Adjustments: If current law says we can’t open a “suspicious” container without “just cause,” it might be time to redefine what “just cause” means. If airport security can check your carry-on, then port authorities should have the leeway to open any container. Tens of thousands of deaths sounds like more than enough reason.

At the end of the day, fentanyl hurts both countries. We’ll stamp it out a lot faster if we’re shoulder to shoulder, instead of pointing fingers across the border.

4. Migrants

Next, let’s be upfront about the migrant issue. The US is worried about people coming in illegally, and we’re concerned about those slipping into Canada. Here’s the twist: until a person steps over the border, they haven’t broken any laws — whether it’s the US side or ours.

The solution lies in each country taking ownership of its border security. That loops into the 2% GDP discussion up next. Effective defence of our own sovereignty means investing in border security and modern tech. That responsibility should naturally belong to a branch of the military.

5. Our 2% Problem

Before we dig into the 2% problem, let’s address the idea that Canada skimps on defence because we count on the US to save us.

Save us from who, exactly?

As it stands, the only real threat to Canada is the US. We don’t have an appetite for conquest. We’re peacekeepers. We joined NATO to lend collective strength if needed, but — until now — we haven’t needed it.

However, we did promise to spend 2% of our GDP on defence, and our current government hasn’t lived up to that. We Canadians pride ourselves on keeping our word, so it’s time to step up. Meanwhile, the US needs to stop moving the goalposts (someone tossed out 5%? Really?).

Personally, I’d zero in on the next generation of military tech to prevent wars rather than fuelling them — drones, advanced detection systems, AI-driven surveillance. Not only would that secure our borders, it’s something we could potentially sell abroad down the road.

However, I’m not suggesting we go the American route and blow our entire budget on war machines. We spend where it counts, aiming to defend rather than attack. We can meet our 2% commitment without slashing social services. Yes, our government can mismanage funds at times — shocker, I know — but it’s not an impossible fix. Let’s start by selling that $8-million barn at Rideau Hall.

Hey, Neighbour, Respect Is Non-Negotiable

Now, about those casual wisecracks at our nation’s sovereignty — referring to our Prime Minister as a “governor” or suggesting Canada should become the 51st state. Some might brush it off as a joke, but if I were Prime Minister, my stance would be:

Respect is non-negotiable. If you want serious dialogue, come on in — we’ll happily chat over a Hawaiian pizza. Otherwise, go ahead and stay at the kids’ table, mashing your chicken fingers into oblivion. We have a G7 nation to run. Mutual respect is the cover charge for trade, firefighting helicopters, and anything else we might do together.

This doesn’t mean we cut ties with our biggest trading partner. It means we refuse to be disrespected and we actively diversify our options. If certain US politicians want to let people insult their own families, that’s their business. Canadians, on the other hand, know how to draw a line. And if someone crosses it, they might want to give the hockey movie Goon a quick watch.

The (Im)Perfect Storm: Ports, Rails, and “Just in Case” Planning

Even if we decided to walk away from trade with the US tomorrow, we’d hit a bottleneck. Our port and rail systems are — let’s be frank — behind the times. If we want more trade with the UK, the EU, China, or whoever, we need better ports, faster rails, and state-of-the-art tech. Sure, it’ll cost a pile of loonies up front, but it’ll generate jobs and give us a safety net if US tariffs become the new normal. Yes, that might mean fewer beers while you’re standing around your snowmobile in the garage, but we’d be building a stronger future.

Where I’d Start — and Where I’d Go Next

Here’s a five-step plan, if I got the keys to 24 Sussex:

1. No tit-for-tat tariffs. Retaliation can cause more harm than good.
2. Diversify trade. Dismantle interprovincial barriers and encourage Canadians to invest at home.
3. Modernize border enforcement. Step up against fentanyl and illegal crossings without losing our values.
4. Meet our 2% promise. Spend less on outdated military hardware and more on futuristic defence tech.
5. Invest in infrastructure. Ports, rail, and digital innovation — because depending on one partner is risky.

After that, I’d tackle big-picture items: fairer tax structures, relief for the middle class, and cutting the red tape suffocating small businesses. These changes won’t happen overnight, but this is a marathon worth running. If Terry Fox taught us anything, it’s that Canadians know how to keep going, one step at a time — 7,051,181 steps, in fact.

Bottom Line

Canada will stand up for itself. We’ll protect our sovereignty, plan for an independent future, and still be the friendly folks everyone expects — just a little scrappier when someone tries to push us around.

Disclaimer

These are my musings, not official government policy — though, honestly, I think they should be. Real decisions on trade, border security, and defence require legislation, public debate, and more than a few late-night Amino IQs. But if I ever find myself in that big chair, I’d steer Canada down this path: direct, confident, and proudly Canadian.

America, let’s be friends again — it was the Jedi way once, and it can be again.

Thank you.