The Disgustingly Harmful Lessons We Delivered to Kids in 2020

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2020 was a year to remember that the vast majority of us wish we could forget; forest fires, civil unrest, the US election, Kobe and 8 others died, COVID-19, murder hornets, George Floyd, and the list goes on.

Luckily, nature will heal, civic unrest brings civic change, Trump is out, we had time to grieve, there’s an active vaccine program, those damn hornets just seemed to disappear, and we’ve seen police reform.

The one aspect of society’s response to nearly everyone of these situations that will not repair itself for a long time to come if we don’t do something about it quickly is the disgustingly harmful lessons we taught kids in 2020.

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Caring & Kindness

Don’t worry about those old people over there, little man. It’s not like age and wisdom have any place in this world. Grandma’s gotta go at some point.

Love thy neighbour? Never leave a man down? Stand up for those that can’t stand up for themselves? That’s old school, kid! In 2020, we didn’t care about others, even when a few minor inconveniences were all it took to make things better. We’re freedom fighters and can’t nobody tell us to help others … we have a guy that sells crystals and snake oil who reads data differently.

Back in my day, we learned that seeing isn’t believing. It doesn’t matter that nature started to heal when the world stopped for a bit because of lockdowns. Animals came out of hiding, pollution cleared, oceans responded, and Mother Nature celebrated. Human influenced climate change is fake though. So, just do whatever you want because magically even though everything needs to heal to survive, the earth is the one exception to that rule.

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Dedication & Success

Forget getting good grades, going to university, training relentlessly, and sacrificing everything to become an expert in your field in hopes of changing the world. We won’t listen to you anyway! Sure, you might even get a doctorate and perhaps you might even cure cancer but there is this guy on YouTube who says you’re just a woman and so you don’t deserve that PhD and that your cancer treatment contains 6Gs technology that will fry our brains so we won’t take it. Basically, just stop trying, mmkay mini me?

Everything is fake or rigged, so just don’t bother trying to fight for what is right. Elections are easily hijacked, viruses are created to control us, politicians and successful people are putting chips in vaccines that will control you so you don’t have to be accountable for your actions. So basically, little Sally Sue, when times get tough, you should get going.

Get rich, you’re evil. Got it, kid?

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Dealing with Real Problems

Got a huge problem but you don’t know how to solve it? Well, little one, wish it away, pray to some crystals and maybe it won’t actually materialize. And if it does, just act shocked by it and maybe people will pretend you too are the victim. In 2020, we saw POTUS, conspiracy theorists, anti-vaxxers, and even some police departments do this.

Look at yourself in the mirror. See how your skin tone is darker than those other kids over there? That makes you different and you now automatically have to live with the constant threat of being singled out. It doesn’t matter that you’re not actually all that different, you just are. Live with a standard that shouldn’t exist in the first place because that’s just how we adults roll and we need to project our insecurities on to you.

You’ve got a big problem? Just make up another problem to hide behind and maybe the big problem will just go away. That’s the lesson the left has taught us, okay, little Ze?

Yes, little man, it is true that you could have lived a life without measles, but isn’t this isolation room that I’m talking to you through a speaker super quiet and fun? Look up thimerosal and aluminum, you’ll thank me later. Oh. And by look up, I mean don’t bother with medical sites; stick with the random guy on YouTube. Medical information is funded by big pharma.

Reasonable explanations are unreasonable because reason is simplistic and looking beyond what educated and experienced people understand to connect dots in hindsight with no education or experience is the new reasonable. So don’t be reasonable, be the new reasonable because that’s living life within reason. Jr, if 2020 taught us anything, it’s this!

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Personal Accountability

Look son, the problem isn’t that when we had to spend a year together we just started beating the holy hell out of each other. No, the problem is that we were forced into that position in the first place. Of course I treated your mom like a boxing bag. Alcohol is essential and have you ever heard her drone on about feelings? I am lord, she is lady. Evidentially, it’s okay to digress into primitive mindsets. And, if someone does actually care about you throwing mom down some stairs, just blame the government … I’m sure it’ll hold up in court.

Let me tell you a story, kid … once upon a time there was a guy who had a repeated history of being racist but he posed in pictures with black people so all was forgiven. He then became President of the United States. So, the lesson here? Actions don’t matter, so be a jerk anyway.

Oh, and while we’re on the subject of things that don’t matter … you’ll hear about this pesky thing called context. Don’t worry about that. Just go with your knee-jerk reaction every single time. Bring emotion to every debate so that people see you really care and they’ll let you win. If they start to argue with facts, just call them the liar; works like a charm.

Last but not least, youngster, know this. There are no grey areas in life. There is alive or dead … sick isn’t all that important. There is good and evil … factors like desperation or environment don’t matter. You can only be racist or not … questions about why a group of people does something, no matter how benign are hateful. So when someone tells you to look at the whole situation you remind them that your narrow view of the world is all that matters.

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Got all that, kids?

Now grow up on those lessons. Let them constantly sit in the back of your head. When confronted with any situation, just refer to what I’ve taught you. There’s no way you’ll grow up with anxiety and depression, serious mental conditions, or other problems. But, if you do end up shooting people at your school, I’ll be sure to let the media know it was society and government that drove you to do it … not craptastic parenting.

That’s the message we delivered to kids in 2020. We failed in 2020, and this failure will be felt for decades to come.

I find therapy in words. 3 types of articles I write: Life Lessons, What If (fiction meets reality) and Nonsense Listicles.

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