I have to confront the fact that I have a very disheartening anniversary coming up.
It’ll be one year since I was truly happy in 7-days.
That’s not to say that I haven’t felt happiness since July 19, 2019, but I haven’t felt the kind of happiness that allows the negativity in the world to waft over me and disappear.
I’ll set the stage.
Everything in my life was going well. My business was thriving, my family were all healthy, I had removed the complex relationships in my life, and it was the last day I spent with the woman I loved and her son.
Her son and I had spent the day at his hockey camp and then we met up with her before heading to a football game. The game was great (we won!), we hit the field and goofed around, and her son got autographs from the players. After the game we walked arm-in-arm back to my truck, drove back to my place and that night I went to sleep completely at peace.
It was a night unlike any I’ve experienced since; unbridled laughter, stories, fun, and the entire world could wait just one more day.
Shortly after, our entire relationship in any form fell apart.
Describing Happy
In 2008, I experienced a moment that was true bliss that I never thought I could top. The problem with the memory from 2008 is that I don’t remember every detail because I didn’t recognize happiness when I was in the middle of it.
On July 19, 2019 I recognized happiness in the moment and I paid attention to every detail. Phones, work, the news, and all other aspects of life faded away.
Happiness was the way she took in my conversations with her son and rolled her eyes when we would guy out.
Happiness was the smile she couldn’t contain as the temporary tattoo was applied to her golden brown skin.
Happiness was a moment I caught on video as we took to the field and goofed around.
Happiness was eating mini-donuts and celebrating a touchdown.
Happiness was the way her eyes sparkled under the field lights.
Happiness was that walk back to my truck, talking about our futures arm-in-arm, as I kissed her on top of her head.
Happiness was her son thanking me for being in their lives.
Happiness was the way her hair blew in the wind as she squinted to see the action in the end zone.
Happiness was that last hug before we all went to sleep.
Happiness was every moment we spent together that night. I’m not sure any other night could ever compare.
Does it Matter?
What I didn’t know then was that the entire experience was an illusion. She was at the beginning of a journey with someone else and I no longer have any contact with her or her son.
But, does that even matter?
I was happy then and it was happiness in its purest form. Why should hindsight be allowed to taint that?
I’ve struggled with this question for almost a year now and finally, I have found an answer.
It really doesn’t matter that everything fell apart after. All that matters is that experiencing them in my life was the catalyst for me to understand that I had never been truly happy until them.
I learned I have the capability to be happy and embrace family. I also learned that I can surprise myself. As someone that has lived a rather unusual life, I’ve had some incredible experiences and I had thought I understood emotion. Boy, was I wrong.
Hollywood Happiness
I was the guy that scoffed at the happiness characters experienced in movies. When I’d watch a romcom I’d express how lame and unrealistic that kind of happiness was.
Yes, I was the guy that said, “That only happens in the movies.”
Turns out, I just didn’t understand that level of happiness until the woman I loved and her son entered my life.
It has dawned on me now that I have always applied the rule of trying to learn something new about my business every day, but I never applied that to my personal life. On July 19, 2019, I learned I could be happy and on July 20, 2019, I learned happiness is fickle and we absolutely must live in that moment when we find it.
Put away your phone.
Pay attention.
Soak in the sun.
Show the people you’re with that you love them.
Your happiness may be as fleeting as mine, and I am so happy that I did all of that on July 19, 2019.
